Yuta Aoki is a Japanese author, blogger and YouTuber. He writes about Japanese culture, inter-cultural communication, dating, and travel.
His latest book, There’s Something I Want to Tell You: True Stories of Dating in Japan, deals with intercultural dating in Japan.
His article about sexless Japan was shared more than 1,000 times on Facebook.
He has been to over 30 countries, from Eastern Europe to South East Asia, where he enjoyed talking to local people and listening to their stories.
He dates internationally, although he’s slightly worried that he might spend more time writing about dating than actually doing it.
My brief life story
I grew up in Hiroshima, where the US had dropped the atomic bomb during WWII. When I was little, grown-ups would often tell us about the war. Sometimes, A-bomb survivors came to our school to share their experiences.
Hiroshima has Peace Memorial Park, and it was our favourite hang-out spot, not because of the history, but because of its central location. Every time I went to the park, I saw the A-Bomb Dome, which was partially destroyed by the A-Bomb. To a child, the dome looked almost sacred.
People in Hiroshima didn’t have any resentment towards American people. They merely told us that the war was bad and should never be repeated.
Discovering the outside world
When I was 13, I went to the States on a one-month homestay programme. I didn’t speak any English. Sure, we had English classes in junior high school, but for a Japanese speaker, one year was barely enough to be able to hold a decent conversation.
How bad was my English? I didn’t even know the word ‘say’. Yes, ‘say’. It’s a very basic word. I remember my host family trying to explain ‘I miss you’. They tried hard, but I didn’t get it. It was difficult because Japanese didn’t have the same expression.
One of the few phrases I learnt in the US was ‘never mind’. My host brother always said it when he gave up explaining things to me in English.
Despite my quasi non-existent English, I really enjoyed the homestay. After coming back to Japan, I started thinking about studying in the States for a year. Fortunately, my high school had a study abroad programme. But unfortunately, places were limited and I wasn’t chosen. I had never been more disappointed in my life.
Getting serious with English
I was jealous of those who were chosen for the study abroad programme. I felt as if they had taken away my future, because I had been daydreaming about going to the US and becoming fluent in English. The thought of them speaking English fluently after a year was unbearable.
The only way I could overcome the disappointment was learning English on my own.
But I was clueless. I wasn’t even sure that one could learn a foreign language completely on one’s own. I didn’t have any role models around me.
One day, I had an idea: reading books in English. If the most effective way of learning a language was immersing yourself in it, reading books would certainly be one way. I went to a bookshop and bought a book that looked easy enough. It was That’s Not What I Meant by Deborah Tannen.
The book wasn’t really easy, and it took me a long time to finish it. But when I finished it, I felt my method was finally working.
Being an introvert
I didn’t have many friends in school, if I had friends at all. I didn’t have a lot in common with my classmates. I was interested in modern philosophy, traditional music around the world, travelling, etc. I was always reading books, sometimes during classes. Reading books was my way of connecting to people who had great life experience and knowledge.
Once, I was interested in Arabic letters. I would practice writing them when I was bored during classes. My classmates must have thought I was a weird guy.
Backpacking in India
When I was 17, I went backpacking through South India for two months. It was my first solo trip.
South India was a very friendly place. A lot of people talked to me: restaurant owners, juice sellers, passengers on the train, guests at hotels, random people on the street – everyone was curious about me. In Japan, nobody had talked to me like that. The cultural difference was very interesting.
I came across western travellers once in a while. I met a British guy and I told him I was 17. He said, ‘You have a good mind’. I still remember the exact wording.
I also met an American guy at a music concert. We were both interested in Indian classical music, so he took me to his place and showed me musical instruments he had bought in India. He was so happy to talk to me that he invited me to dinner. He footed the bill. He knew I was only a penniless 17 year old after all.
Learning French
In my early 20s, I came across an interview with a French musician in the International Herald Tribune. She was called Carla Bruni and had been a supermodel before she made her first album. In her interview, she said she would deliberately record mistakes because being imperfect would make her more relatable. I thought, ‘she is very insightful. I definitely should listen to her songs.’
When I heard her voice on Quelqu’un m’a dit, the first song of her album, I immediately liked her. I would listen to her day and night, and I developed a strong interest in French. But I was hesitant to learn a new language because I knew it would take a long time.
Eventually, I gave in to the temptation.
Studying abroad
When I decided to go to university, the first thing I thought about was the study abroad programme. Initially, I was thinking of Britain, but my French was becoming better, so I chose France. I liked the idea of going to a non-English-speaking country. I’d always been fond of doing something different from everybody else.
I was very excited because for the first time in my life, I had the opportunity to live abroad.
What I really learnt in France
I studied philosophy and literature in Lyon for one year. There were a lot of international students (mostly European) in my university. I absolutely loved meeting people from different countries. Unlike when I was in high school, I made a lot of friends. We all spoke French, and there was a strong sense of community amongst French speaking expats.
I also realised I was quite ignorant about the world. I asked my Brazilian friends a very dumb question: what language do Brazilians speak? They answered patiently, ‘Portuguese’. Later, I found out that Portuguese was a romance language like French, which made me curious about the language.
One day, my Brazilian friends took to me to a mini-carnival parade in Lyon. I saw a Brazilian group playing samba. As soon as I heard them, I fell in love with Brazilian music.
The second semester in France, I took a Portuguese class because I wanted understand the lyrics of Brazilian songs. By that time, I was regularly going to a local Brazilian party. I asked my friends for song recommendations, and I would listen to Brazilian music all the time.
I made some French friends through Brazilian music. One day, I was walking down the street and bumped into one of those friends. She said, ‘Hey, I live close by, would you like a cup of tea?’ So I went to her house.
She told me she was going to a Latin club that night, and asked me if I wanted to come. I was curious. I had never been to a Latin club before.
What I saw in the club was something entirely new. Men and women would pair up and dance together. The dancing looked very sophisticated. I tried to figure out their steps, but it was too complicated to follow. It was as if they were performing magic tricks.
My friend told me the style of the music and the dance was called Salsa. I was greatly interested, and decided to learn how to dance Salsa one day.
A few months later, I was taking weekly Salsa lessons.
So that was it: I went to France and learnt Portuguese and dancing Salsa. What happened to philosophy and literature? Well, I forgot all about them.
Post-France life
My life can be divided into pre-France and post-France. France made me realise I would thrive in a multicultural environment. After France, I sought international communities in Japan. I started making new friends. It felt great: I’d never known what was like to have many friends because I had had a rather solitary young and early adulthood.
Writing a book
In 2013, I was on the Narita Express on my way to the airport. I was going to Jamaica to spend the New Year holiday. I was thinking about my life because I felt I hadn’t achieved much in my twenties.
I’d always wanted to write a book, and suddenly, I realised all I had to do was start writing; I already had what it took to write a book. By the time I got off the train, I already had book ideas.
I chose to write about multicultural dating in Japan because I thought I had something valuable to offer. I knew it was hard to find reliable information in English on the subject. A lot of what I found on the Internet were disrespectful comments towards Japanese women, except for a few good blog articles.
Writing the book was nothing but fun. My favourite part was interviewing people. I thoroughly enjoyed listening to their life stories, and I believe they are worth sharing. The best way of learning something is learning from your mistakes; the second best way is from somebody else’s mistakes. That is why reading books is so valuable.
My book is called There’s Something I Want to Tell You: True Stories about Mixed Dating in Japan, and available on Amazon, Kobo, and iBooks.
Wow, you’ve read this far? I think you should like my Facebook page and follow me on Twitter
I'm 23 years of age and I'm very surprise how much you had done in your life, Whether to travel, learning another language dancing and getting out of your comfort zone. Its something i can never achieve. I only know 2 language while my English isn't that great i wishes to learn another one including Japanese. Wishes to travel the world and met new people but i'm quite shy. Anyways best of luck!
Thanks for sharing
-Jackson
The same situation, but I currently get out of my comfort zone – i am gonna do (from October) postgraduate study in UK. I'm not sure that is a good idea to go somewhere alone being pretty shy and introverted, but live is too short to keep live in your comfort zone. If you still thinking about travelling, maybe we can have a contact?
@yuta – you got very similar "things to do and have done" to the ones that I want to achieve … I don't have more time to waste, so i'm starting to do changes from October.
it should be "life" instead "live" Sorry
<strong>Greetings from Romania!</strong>
Hello there!
I came across your channel through the YouTube suggestions list and have been binge watching your videos. Your content is thought provoking and entertaining, so I was happy to subscribe and check out your website. Keep up the good work!
So, what's on my list of things I want to do in the future? Let's see…I'll mention my top four
1.) Make YouTube videos about my experiences in South Korea, Japan, and other future destinations: It's been almost two years since I lived in South Korea and since my one month stay in Japan. I recently found footage and photos from my time in both places that I thought I lost, and now after watching your videos, I found inspiration to talk about my experiences there and share what footage I have acquired during my stay. So hopefully some time soon I'll be able to start making videos about my experience in retrospect and also future travels.
2.) Travel more!: I've always wanted to travel to different places around the world (and in my home country – The United States), but my family was poor. So when I got the chance to work abroad, I took it. Now I really want to visit a lot of different countries to learn more about the world and to also think about the things that connect us all as people.
3.) Actually become fluent in the languages I started learning. I studied Spanish for seven years in school, as well as Japanese for a short time. I also studied Korean while I lived there. I would like to become more fluent in all three of them so I can connect with my Korean and Japanese friends better. It seems a little unfair that they all have to talk to me in English, so I would like to change that.
4.) Be O.K. with the fact that I have an artistic mind: I've always loved drawing, writing, and the performance arts, but I never thought that I could really do anything with them career wise. I realized that I never even really gave it a chance. It might not be my main job, but I can pursue it as a hobby and see if I could use that creativity in ways to engage people.
Thanks for the thoughtful content you make. I look forward to seeing what you come up with next! Chau!
You know, I love all your Youtube videos and I watch them all the time.
After reading this I've come to like you much more! That is a wonderful life story and lovely list. My lifestory is quite grim so, Rather than dwell on a dirty and negative past inflicted by others, I always look towards the future. I believe the future is where the sun shines, The fun begins.
I would like to learn Japanese and speak it fluently, Afterwards I will learn Korean, And also Chinese. It may seem far-fetched wanting to learn three languages (Especially Chinese, Which is considerably difficult) but, I believe I can do it.
There are some times I have a deep thirst for knowledge, And language learning. When this happens I turn my attention to Japanese.
You may wonder, Why Japanese?
It is because I find the language very beautiful. I like to hear people talk Japanese and I also very much like the text and the written language. The same could be said about Korean or Chinese, But, There is more to Japan which I like than those other two countries.
Japan has had a big influence and impact on my life. It began when I was very young, I used to always say to myself "People should invent this!" or "People should think in this way, Not the other", And every time I had said this I had found that Japan had already invented the item in question, And Japan was already socially-crafted in a way which was very like-minded to my own. For example, I have found and I still find giving tips absolutely ridiculous, And in Japan, People do not give tips.
Coming into the future, My interests and hobbies grow, And I find that Japan once again has the things which I favor the most. I love the culture, The samurai history and background, The gaming industry, The fashion, The hairstyles, The robotics, The anime, The art, The kendo, The food, The people (Many variety and open-minded), The music (Traditional & Modern), The nature, The technology and the dedication which people show, In improving themselves everyday and striving towards a better future.
I believe I will look back to this list in the future and say "I have missed something I like about Japan" Such as Cherry blossoms, Castles or Trains, Architecture, Traditional/Modern Lifestyle Or something else different entirely.
I always find myself doing that, Something new or something I had forgot to mention will reappear, And I will add it to the ever-long list!
So I will not continue forever, I will mention the things I like about Korea and China, Then to my bulletpoints *Which I am rather excited for, Since I don't know what I will write myself*
In Korea, They have a great fashion sense, Great music taste and I like how all the men wear makeup. I also like the girls there (This one very nearly swayed my decision on Japan! I can't, However, Allow my lifelong admiration of Japan disappear due to the beauty of Korean Females)!
In China, They have a great history. I also love the text and the speaking language. To me it sounds very lovely coming from a Female. I also love the Kung Fu, The choreography and the beauty of their art (I just come back from watching Chinese new year video), It never ceases to amaze me.
In Taiwan, I just love the girls, Very very much. I have a weakness to Cosplayers, But that too, Is Japan's influence (I am thinking of an image of a girl dressed up as Hatsune Miku). They're many other wonderful Cosplayers from that region, Too.
I may have become carried away with my discussion of girls, But, I am sure you will not mind as you are an author of a book on mixed relationships in Japan!
Now to my bulletpoints!
* I would like to become a fluent-Japanese speaker, And be able to stay and experience Japan.
(I can currently read hirigana, With very little Katakana and Kanji knowledge, Also most of the things I read I cannot understand. I learnt through looking at a Japanese alphabet, And playing a Japanese game. I made Japanese friends and I wanted to know their names, And then their conversations. I kept looking back at the Hirigana alphabet and their name, Until I was able to say it. Eventually their name stuck with me, And everytime I came across the letters in their name I would know what it is. I also tried to read their conversations this way, And eventually it would stick. I have only just recently begun doing this in Katakana so I know very little Katakana.
The first name I learnt was Gorubacho ! Which, Originally I thought was Goruhachiyo.
For now, I will continue studying Japanese this way. I believe learning to read will help me learn to speak better too.
The Japanese players always say "Yoroshiku Onegaishimasu!" when they begin a game. I did read "Yoroshiku O ishimasu", But not "Nega" since it was in Kanji. However, Since I knew the word "Yoroshiku Onegaishimasu" and its meaning, I was able to guess the Kanji "Nega".
I also did this with Arigatou and other words before fully learning the alphabet. I am hoping, With your help, Yuta, That I can do this with more words! (By learning more words, I can guess the letters and the kanji!)
It is very satisfying to do this. It feels like such a success and achievement when I do! I got my alphabet from the Japanese-Online site.
Oh, That's right, This was supposed to be a short bracket under one of the bullet points (Totally forgot), Erm, Just pretend it was short! Ahem!
Continuing my bullet points!)
* I would like to be a good musician, Taking my inspiration from Japanese bands.
(It may be a little far-fetched to say in a Japanese band, But it has been done by someone before!)
* If not music, I would like to do something in the creative arts sector.
(Acting, Theater, Pop Group!)
* I would also like to help Japanese people speak English.
(Just as you help me, I would like to help them!)
* I would like to travel to Korea and Japan.
(I love technology, And these two places really <3)
* I would like to find my belonging!
(I never felt like I belonged in any country before, So I want to experience the best candidates (Korea, Japan, Maybe Taiwan?)
* I would like to make good friends!
(I am twenty-one, And I have never had any friends in my life who like the same things which I do. It means they have not been my friend for so long, And I find myself alone all the time, Such as now. Perhaps I'll find one in Japan!)
* I would like to find a caring community!
(I want to find people, And a community who cares for me, That I can care about too. This maybe why I wish to be in a band so much, So I can find that place where which we can experience everything together and support each other, Like good friends. It'd also nice to have a place, A city or town which I care about. Right now, The things that happens in my surroundings in public are not important to me, As I am always treated like an outsider.)
* I would like to live forever!
(Not many say this, But I do!)
* I wish Yuta Aoki good health!
(I can't thank you enough for giving me this opportunity, And how much you've done for me. I feel my mind has reached a new level of clarity, And you are, An amazing person. Keep doing what you do! I wish also, To be a language expert like you someday, So I know English and Japanese, Like you do!)
* I wish for wealth, Independence and freedom of movement.
(So that I may be able to go to any place at any time, To experience any luxury at any time. I will admit I love these things *Baths.. Ahhh <3*
Though it is most important to me as, I wish to provide my lover with anything they would want, And not to let them suffer or struggle because of me)
I can't think of anything else to write right now, But thank you for giving me this opportunity to write about myself. If you do have the time and you do read this, I hope you enjoy reading it, I wish for your good health and I thank you for reading it.
I suppose you can guess what I will do now *Play a Japanese game while studying Japanese*, And I look forward to watching your new YouTube content!
Thank you very much! ありがとうございます!
Hi Yuta,
Thankyou for sharing your life experiences. Totaly fascinated! BTW I am Aditi, 20, from India. The thing that tops my priority list right now is to learn Japanese. Hope I succeed. Arigato again!
totally*
Some information about me is that I am Anglo-Polish (English-Polish) and I speak a few languages, but only English fluently. I hope to learn English; Chinese; Japanese; Polish; Russian; Spanish; Portuguese; German; Italian and maybe Korean fluently. I can read Russian and I can also read some Chinese as well as some Japanese. I find the Eastern Asian Languages very interesting and I really enjoy learning them.
So interesting to read your background :3 I surfed many blogs but this is the first time I saw such an impressive one. And your being a surprising programmer also makes me feel so ashamed cause I ve never completed my planes as I want. My best wish is having a chance to taste Japanese favour, especially Japanese rock culture haha :)))). Hope this will come too soon.
はじめまして！Ｙｏｕｔｕｂｅ に あおきさんのビデオをぐうぜんでみつけました。わたしはTrina (タリナ）といいます。長い間日本語を勉強していますが、まだ流暢ではありません。でもまだ楽しんでいますから、がんばります！１９９６には、２年間日本に住んでいて、色々なおもしろい経験がありました。あおきさんににて、わたしもいろいろな言語と文化について習うことが大好記です。
おもしろい点では、私もサルサダンスをならうことがありましたが、わたしは東京に習いました！：－）
すぐ、２週間日本に訪問するつもりですが、この時、主人と二人の娘といっしょうに行きます。すごく楽しみにしています！
よろしくお願いします！またね！
I find it so inspiring that you are self taught in so many areas! You strike me as very intelligent, but also very down to earth. I enjoy you very much as a vlogger, as a writer, and as a person. I can tell I will be subscribed to you for a very long time!
Hey I see you want to learn about caribbean music in order to organised parties I can tell you some good ones. I'm really interested in Japanese culture and and language, saw your videos on youtube they are great. I am originally grew up in Jamaica until i was 16 then moved to England im now 24 and i love all genre of music Im a singer myself.
I can point you in the direction of the artistes and different type of caribbean music.
thank you yuta ! i m happy ! – nice greetings from austria, and hope to meet you one day 🙂 – every life has a story, worthy to be told – i m a teacher, teaching since 25 years, changing my job every year to learn all wisdom from every world to teach those who are poor in every way, i am happy you are a bridge, i hope to meet you one day 🙂
about age: haha don`t worry 🙂 at all – don`t worry 🙂 🙂 – nice greetings from austria
Hi, Yuta!
Thank you for sharing your story, is very interesting! I am a 17-years-old girl from Spain, and, as you, I think that my (still short) life can be divided in two parts, pre-Romania, and post-Romania. When I was there, I met people from all over the world, and I realised that I want to travel and to know more about different cultures.
So now, I'm trying to improve talking other languages (like English, French, Japanese (thanks a LOT)) and I think, when I'm older, I will travel to different countries, just like you do!
Thank you very much, and greetings from Spain!! 🙂
I've been on your website a few times, but felt the urge this time to check this page out.
Surprisingly, we kind of have a lot in common and relatable stuff too. I live in Jamaica, I'm 17 years old and trying to learn Japanese on my own. I want to live there one day and be very fluent. Maybe check out one of those Animation companies.
Also. I don't really have a lot of friends (if any), I hope I can make friends like you did when I go to Japan.
Also, why Jamaica? Of all the countries? Maybe it's because I live here why I don't see anything special about it. But if you do decide to live here one day, I hope you like it. Also, these days, air conditioners are a must have. Good luck! and thanks for these videos, very nice to find good cheap resources out there.
Hey buddy
Wish there were some Japanese girls with an open mind like you.
I married a Japanese girl two years ago and been living in Japan eversince but I would like to make female friends too which seems impossible for a married man in Japan.
Any suggestion?
Thanks!
hi Yuta, nice to meet you, I'm your subscriber on your YouTube channel, I come from Indonesia, currently I'm working at Architecture and Urban Planning company based in Bali, my position is a manager. I'm interested in getting aquainted with Japanese girls, I wish, I could have both girlfriend and wife from Japan, could you give me any advice?.. or any sites that I could join in order to getting Japanese girlfriend. Thanks in advance
Wait… a girlfriend AND a wife?
Hello Yuta Aoki
Just want to let you know that what you're doing is really encouraging, at least for me. I've been kicking myself (perhaps not hard enough) about going back to studying French, which I supposedly adore, for ages and never managed to succeed due to various excuses starting from being too far away from the beloved France to teaching English to bunches of rather rarely grateful students and whatnot; however I recently started a beginner Japanese course which brought me back to picking up French – it's nice to bug your mind from different angles, I suppose. And now, having read about your endeavours, I just feel ashamed. (I wouldn't even venture commenting on programming – that's my forever terra incognita!)
I subscribed to your lessons just a few days ago and would like to thank you for the quality work and time you invest to make all that look nice and understandable. They clarify certain questions I sometimes have that my sensei doesn't want to answer reasoning that I just only started and won't be able to process too much. While I agree with her as a teacher, I still feel sort of deprived and I have to turn to the almighty Internet where I find you and some other kind bloggers willing to share! Please keep it up!
And I loved your interviews on Youtube! For some reason the Japanese appear to me as representatives of outer space – no mocking or offence intended! – just such a big enigma. Seeing women and men respond to random street survey rather comfortably (yep, I've got this big fat stereotype about an entirely reserved nation who don't spare a thought on matters not related to them directly) piqued my curiosity previously fed by contagious stuff called anime.
This all is extremely unorganised and I'm sorry about that, but all in all – thanks for the good job!
Dina
hey, i'm trying to enter my email to "Learn japanese with me" but it says "your email can be subscribed."
Hi, Yuta san
My name is Gabriel, I'm from Venezuela, I read all your Bio, I felt so identified with you. It's good to know that are some people in the world, that think the same. I'm self learning Japanese and your videos are so helpful. You are an inspiration for me.
I know that you're learning Spanish, I could help you with your Spanish, I'm native speaker.
Thanks for all your efforts to bring us Japanese culture to us. Thank you!
Hello Aoki San,
I happened across your videos from a women's message board that I belong to and was fascinated by what I observed. You are a modern Renaissance man and that is most exciting. Your passion for learning is inspiring and mostly because of the fact that you met lots of adversity and didn't let it stop you. You took the initiative and found ways to work around any barriers that presented themselves.
I'm an older American woman and will have my son watch your videos to show him that if one sets his mind to achieve his passions, with time and determination, they can be achieved. Also, I'm inspired to do a lot of the things that I put off when I became a mother. I will travel. I will continue to learn languages other than English and I will study music that moves me.
As an older person I will tell you that aging, in my experience, has given me time to learn who I am, what I stand for (believe in) and has given me comfort and confidence in being myself. The awkwardness of youth and uncertainty can disappear and give you clarity and security that youth can sometimes overwhelm you with.
I look forward to watching more of your online creations and reading your books. I thank you for sharing yourself.