Category Archives: japan

Is Dating Hard in Japan? – Myths and Reality

It is commonly believed that dating in Japan is easy for non-Asian (particularly white) men and hard for women. I came across a blog post by zoomingjapn, a German girl living in Japan, writing about dating in Japan as a foreigner. She expresses this view.

She writes, ‘It is comparably easy for a western foreign man to find a Japanese woman or to have a nice relationship here in Japan’, but ‘it is extremely tough to find a date as a foreign woman here in Japan.’

Her story is interesting in itself but the most interesting part of the article is the huge number of comments gets – 162 comments (or about 30,000 words!) at the time I am writing this article.

A lot of people who commented actually disagree with her. In particular, non-Japanese guys tend to disagree because they don’t think it’s easy to date Japanese girls. On the other hand, girls tend to agree with her.

Overall, does it mean that it’s hard to date Japanese people regardless of your gender? It seems so. If you are in a foreign country with a completely different culture, it is logical that you might have a hard time dating. Dating often involves a lot of hidden rules and non-verbal cues. These are not the kind of thing you learn in your language textbooks.

However, there are many people who are successful at dating in Japan. Many people provided counter-examples in the comments. My personal experience also tells me that dating in Japan is completely feasible and a lot of my friends seem to be doing OK with dating here. Then the real question is this: what is the difference between successful and unsuccessful people?

Fortunately, thanks to zoomingjapan, I have a good sample of comments on this.

Judgmental attitude

A guy says that it’s very hard for him to have good relationships with Japanese women. ‘My biggest problem is that most girls my age (~25) are very childish’, he points out.

He might be right, but the word ‘childish’ makes me think that his culture might have a different concept of maturity. Being ‘mature’ in Japan can be seen as ‘childish’ elsewhere and vice versa. He might be judging Japanese women based on his cultural values without taking into account the Japanese context.

Since he didn’t specify what made him think that girls of his age were childish I can only speculate, but if he doesn’t make effort to unlearn his cultural values and learn new sets of values, he is likely to continue having difficulty.

I’m not saying he should adapt himself completely; it’s ultimately his choice. He might just not be compatible with the majority of Japanese girls. To be fair, I used to feel that most kids of my age weren’t mature enough. I am less judgemental now because I realise that I might simply have had a differently way of measuring maturity.

Helpless cute girl

I have noticed that cute girls tend to be quite bad at approaching guys. They always get approached by guys and don’t have to make the first step themselves. In short, they lack practice. It’s always interesting to hear all the boring questions they ask when they try to hit on guys: ‘What’s your name? Where are you from? What do you do?’ etc.

Isabel, a German girl who has been living in Japan for about half a year, is a good example. She is studying computer science and surrounded by a lot of guys. Despite that, she is having difficulties with dating. ‘In Germany I never been single for longer than a few months, I had never had problems about dating a guy. I’ve been living here since 6 months now and I didn’t have a serious date yet. I’m currently the only Western female student here, so I get quite some attention, even from other foreign students. But Japanese guys are still a big mystery to me’, she writes.

She seems to be clueless in situations where her charisma doesn’t work as expected. ‘I fell in love with one Japanese boy in my research team. I wrote him many cute love letters in Japanese and English but he didn’t reply for many months. After some time I finally asked him in person and he told me that he can’t date me because we work in the same team.’

Clearly, he was not interested but she wasn’t giving up. ‘I basically tried everything to convince him. I made him a Bento, baked a cake for him and organized a super-fun birthday party for him a few weeks ago. Because it was his birthday I decided to go for a final attack and made a personal present for him.’ Her strategy was ‘push, push and push’, which was obviously not working.

But she didn’t stop there. ‘I bought an empty book and filled it with the story of my love for him. How I fell in love with him and about all the things I like about him. Every page had about 2 or 3 sentences in English and Japanese and a drawing. I’m horribly bad at drawing but I put lots of effort and I got honest praise from the people around me whom I showed the book. There was also one page with a drawing of his face. The book ended with telling him that I was still willing to date him even though he turned me down with this obvious excuse of working in the same team. On my last page, I told him that it’s his story now and that there are still many white pages that can be filled.’

It might be obvious to many people but doing all this to a guy who is not interested (and possibly not used to dealing with girls) is not only ineffective but also counterproductive. It scared the hell out of him. I can easily guess what was going on in his mind. ‘Oh my God, is this girl crazy? Why doesn’t she understand that I’m not interested? I want her to stop doing embarrassing things in front of people but I don’t know how. I don’t understand girls. Hopefully it will stop as time goes by.’

She was giving emotional gifts he couldn’t reciprocate, and that put him under a lot of pressure and made him uneasy. If he was experienced in dating, he could have said something like, ‘I know that you are interested in me but I just don’t see you that way. I appreciate that you are making an effort but I don’t think it’s going to work. Maybe we can just be friends?’ But there’s only so much you can expect from a Japanese computer science major boy.

The ending was sad but predictable. ‘Over three weeks later that he completely ignored the whole thing’, she writes. Her friends weren’t any help. ‘All of my friends told me that this is just such a wonderful present that he has to fall in love with me’, she writes. But such an emotionally loaded gift would only work if he was already madly in love with her.

I’m not saying that ignoring her was the right thing to do; it was terrible. But, as someone who has supposedly more experience in dating, she should have realised that she was doing everything wrong. She reminds me of the film ‘How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days’: she did do everything she wasn’t supposed to do. Well, she’s still young and I think she will eventually learn better ways to approach guys.

Some girls figure out Japanese guys

Some girls seem to figure out Japanese guys well. ‘If you are a western girl living in Japan and interested in dating a Japanese guy, my advice would be GENTLY make the first move. Don’t be overly assertive’, writes a 25-year-old American girl who has been married to a Japanese man for five years.

She mentions some interesting things. ‘Accept that Japanese men are not going to be like the guys back home. They are generally not affectionate (at least in public), they are typically shy, and they work a lot. But, there are plenty out there that are interested. After several drinks, several of my husband’s friends openly congratulated on him “getting a beautiful white girl”, told him they respected him more now, and asked me to set them up with some friends of mine. They would have NEVER said this if they hadn’t been loosened up by alcohol, but it definitely left me wondering if I should be offended or flattered! ;)’

I don’t quite appreciate these guys who think ‘getting a beautiful white girl’ is some kind of trophy, but the point is that she seems to understand how Japanese people loosen up when they are drunk. This is a minor detail but I believe paying attention to details eventually makes you very good at understanding a given culture. Apparently, that was what she did.

Figuring out subtle cultural cues is, of course, not always easy. Some people overlook important details and don’t notice what’s really happening around them. A German guy talks about his German female friend who failed to understand signs from a Japanese guy. ‘She didn’t notice anything although he kept asking her out all the time’, he writes. Some girls who think that guys are not interested in them simply fail to detect the signs coming from guys.

A girl who is in a serious relationship with a Japanese guy says, ‘I have found that what “helped” me to be easily approached by several Japanese good looking guys is my behaviour.’ She seemed to know how she could slightly modify her behaviour so as to facilitate interaction with local people. It’s also about manners. I would advise girls to be gentle and not necessarily pursue the man of their interest, but make him do the first step. It worked out for me.’

Coincidentally, a lot of Japanese women’s magazines and dating advice books focus on how girls can be approachable and make guys ask them out. I don’t necessarily agree with this approach, but I can totally see it can be effective.

Are Japanese people ‘cold’?

A lot of people – often Japanese themselves – say that Japanese people are ‘cold’. For example, this girl says, ‘My Japanese boyfriend told me something similar about Japanese women: they are passive, cold, lacking passion, don’t touch/hug/kiss randomly, even at home.’

I don’t think ‘cold’ is the right word. It’d be more correct to say ‘not expressive’. Contrary to what people believe, Japanese people do express their feelings. It’s just very subtle and indirect. This inexpressiveness can be seen as ‘cold’ in other countries but in Japanese context where indirectness is the norm, it’s not necessarily a negative trait. Japanese TV drama, films, novels and manga often depict silent expressions of love and gratitude. Needless to say, people have no problem understanding these subtle ways.

Some Japanese people do prefer a more expressive communication style, and they tend to date non-Asian people. A Mexican guy who is dating a Japanese girl says, ‘From what my girlfriend told me, she did mention that Japanese men are cold. She does admit that she likes how Latino and Mediterranean men are warm, passionate, romantic and affectionate type of men, even more than other Westerners such as Americans or Nordic people.’ Her choice of dating a Mexican guy makes perfect sense. She is getting what she believes is hard to get from Japanese guys from her Mexican boyfriend.

Multicultural background

I know a lot of people who are successfully dating Japanese guys and girls. There’s one tendency among them: they are multicultural or multilingual. Many of them have mixed parents or speak more than two languages. I found a similar tendency in the blog comments.

  • A Mexican-American girl who met her boyfriend in a hip-hop club in Shiubuya – She says that dating was not something she had in mind when she came to Japan. She speaks English and Spanish perfectly even though she doesn’t speak Japanese very well.
  • Another Mexican-American girl who has a Japanese boyfriend. – She seems to have a well balanced view regarding different cultures. She writes, ‘I don’t believe that Japanese men or women are in general ‘cold’! Their behaviour is just, of course, influenced by their culture, where it is considered inappropriate or embarrassing to show your feelings for another person so directly.’
  • A non-Asian girl married to a Japanese guy – I don’t know where she’s from but, judging from the way she writes, I think she’s from a non-English speaking country. I also assume she speaks good Japanese because she says, ‘All my friends are Japanese girls.’

I’m not 100% sure if this is a general tendency. I might just be cherry-picking examples. My personal experience is quite biased since I tend to make friends with culturally open people; most of the friends I have in Japan are very open-minded as opposed to ethnocentric which, I believe, most of the people on earth are. Let me know what you think.

They myths of easy Japanese girls

In the comments, a lot of guys point out that it’s not easy to date Japanese girls. ‘Japan’s a terrible place to meet chicks. If you’re a good-looking guy with a reasonable amount of game, your odds are better back home’, says Ken Seeroi, ‘a handsome foreign guy’ as he puts it.

I have a similar impression. While there might be a few girls who lower their guard for white guys, they remain a small percentage of the whole Japanese female population. There are certain places where you find a lot of these girls but if you go anywhere else, thing’s won’t be as easy. Most importantly, they are not necessarily the kind of girls you want to have a relationship with.

Sure, I hear war stories: ‘I went to Japan and I got a lot of chicks’, ‘These Japanese girls are being too easy for white guys’ etc. But a lot of western guys I know are not having a particularly easy time in Japan. They are normal guys with decent social skills and not ‘losers’ back home. If you are a highly educated, cool guy looking for a cool girl, Japan won’t necessarily make it easy for you.

So, is dating hard in Japan?

Dating in Japan can be a bit harder, compared to a more socially open country, because Japanese people tend to be reserved and cautious with strangers. Every time I go to North America or Europe, I notice how easy it is to talk to random people. If it feels harder to date in Japan, maybe it really is.

From my experience, simplified workflows of dating western and Japanese women would be like this. (Mind you, there are many exceptions so this is by no means definite.)

A western girl:

Meet her -> Get to know her a bit -> Ask her out

A Japanese girl:

Meet her -> Get to know her a bit -> Get to know her some more -> Ask her out

(Edit: I updated the workflow because the previous one seemed to have given the wrong impression of how I think one should approach women.)

This ‘getting to know her some more’ phase can be quite long so you often need to be patient. Dating Japanese people requires a few extra steps.

For example, some girls prefer hanging out in a group before going on a real date with you. I don’t like it when this happens. I remember this girl I met at a party. She was nice and rather cute so I asked her out a few days after. She replied by saying that she would prefer hanging out in a group with her friends first to get to know me. I didn’t like the idea, so I made it clear that I wanted to meet her alone. She wasn’t up for it.

Fortunately, not all Japanese girls are like that, but I definitely feel that Japanese girls generally need more time. People can be quite cautious of strangers here. (This might be the reason why western-style online dating has never been really huge in Japan.) Older women seem to be more laid back but I don’t have a lot of experience with them. Overall, you have a much better chance of meeting someone through your friends or acquaintances than hitting on random people in public.

In fact, there are many ways to meet people in Japan and it gets easier once you learn how. Sure, dating in Japan can still be harder but ‘harder’ doesn’t mean ‘nearly impossible’. I know plenty of westerners and other foreigners in Japan who have good relationships with Japanese people. Your origin shouldn’t be a definite obstacle. I can easily think of white, black, South Asian, Latin American, European and African people who date Japanese guys and girls. In the end, what random people say online doesn’t matter as much as how open you are and what you make of Japan.

If you are interested in sex in Japan, I would recommend my new book There’s Something I Want to Tell You: True Stories of Mixed Dating in Japan.

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Racism in Japan – Some Other Aspects

* In this article, I define ‘racism’ as discrimination based on race, ethnicity, colour, descent or nationality, following the UN Convention. Read the reference section for details.

* Racism is a complex subject. I’m focusing on some of the aspects people usually don’t talk about online.

Hair colour

In the late 90s, dying hair became very popular in Japan. I was in Japanese junior high school back then and many students wanted to dye their hair. There was one problem: school rules didn’t allow them to. Some of them enjoyed dying their hair during the holidays, but, as soon as a new semester began, they dyed it back to their ‘original’ black. ‘When I am older’, they thought, ‘I will be able to dress how I want.’

A few rebellious kids dyed their hair anyway but it usually didn’t turn out well. Some teachers forcefully dyed students’ hair ‘back’ to black. Some of them got beaten up by older students for ‘not knowing their place’.

Many Japanese schools were so strict about enforcing the rule that they didn’t miss the slightest signs of dying. Those who had naturally brown hair often got into trouble because teachers didn’t think it was natural. My mum once got asked by a teacher because my brother’s hair was just a little bit brown. I couldn’t even tell the difference. In some cases, the school would tell students to dye their hair black.

It wasn’t dying hair that was forbidden. Not having black hair was. This is discrimination.

To this day, there are people harassed by teachers and other students because of their natural hair. Having to sign something like a ‘certification of natural hair colour’ seems to be common practice. And it’s not just hair colour: naturally curly hair can face the same discrimination.

Not all teachers and students are discriminatory. From my experience, most of them are not that unreasonable. But there are often a few who are wrongly passionate about enforcing ‘rules’ and these few people are enough to make your school life less enjoyable to say the least.

People don’t usually consider this racism. After all, it’s just one of many unreasonable and annoying rules Japanese schools have. But, if a teacher can get away with this kind of practice, doesn’t it make some students wrongly think that it’s OK to discriminate against someone for his appearance that he’s not even responsible for?

Apartment issues

If you are western and live in Japan, the most overt racism you will experience is perhaps being blatantly denied the opportunity to rent an apartment on the basis of not being ‘Japanese’. Sure, it’s not always easy to find an apartment when you live in a foreign country. But in Japan they blatantly say ‘These apartments don’t accept foreigners’, even if you have a long-term visa.

It’s not so much that they hate non-Japanese people as business concerns. According to Japan Talk some of the common concerns the landlords have are:

Communication – most landlords aren’t comfortable speaking English.
Ties to Japan – the general fear that you’ll just leave the country without wrapping up your financial obligations.
Fear that you wouldn’t follow Japanese conventions – Japanese people don’t wear shoes in the home and they don’t typically have house parties.

These concerns are understandable. These are private properties and landlords have the right to choose their customers. But what if you speak fluent Japanese, intend to live there for several years, and understand Japanese social conventions? The apartment owners could just talk to you and find out that you would be a good customer. But they wouldn’t.

The apartment example shows several important thinking patterns found, I think, in Japanese people.

Putting all non-Japanese people into the same box – there are all kinds of people in the world but, to those landlords, there are just ‘foreigners’.
Collective punishment mentality – some non-Japanese people don’t make good customers, therefore, all non-Japanese people are rejected.
Lack of cultural awareness– denying service on the basis of nationality is seen as racism in many other countries. However, in a Japanese context, this often isn’t seen as racism. They don’t realise that it’s controversial.

The first pattern about putting everyone in the same box comes from a lack of experience of interacting with people from other countries; it’s rather obvious. But for the last two ones, I find them particularly interesting, so I will talk about them separately.

(Note: If you are thinking of renting an apartment, there are still plenty of options in the major cities. Just tell them you are not Japanese and filter out the ones who are not interested in you. Some of the agents are specialised in international clients. This will save you a lot of time.)

Collective punishment

One of the things I didn’t like about Japanese schools was the practice of collective punishment: when someone in a group breaks a rule, the whole group gets punished. It was so common that I don’t remember specific cases, but it’s easy to find examples online.

Example A: A mother says that in her son’s class, the teacher won’t let the students go home when somebody has forgotten to do the homework. The student who didn’t do the homework has to do it after school in the classroom and until he finishes it, the whole class has to wait there. The mother wonders if there’s any good reason for doing this.

Example B: A fifth grader is in a sporting team and has a teammate who often disrupts the team. When the teammate has a bad attitude, the coach punishes the whole team, making them run, do push-ups etc. But his teammate doesn’t stop his bad behaviour.

Collective punishment is highly unpopular among students and parents. Despite that, it’s quite prevalent in Japanese society. It seems like pro-collective punishment camps always outnumber anti-collective punishment camps.

I suspect this is one of the reasons the landlords think it’s OK to reject all the people in the ‘same’ category for the misbehaviour of some.

(I somehow thought that collective punishment was very Japanese, but I could find several cases in the US. Maybe it’s more common in the west than I thought? Let me know if you know anything about this.)

Cultural awareness

I remember being at a party with international people (not one of those ‘international’ parties where they blatantly charge different prices based on your gender and nationality). I overheard a conversation between a Japanese girl and a black guy. Right after exchanging their names, the Japanese girl asked the black guy, ‘Can you run fast?’ (Her exact wording.)

My initial reaction was, ‘I can’t believe she just said that!’ The party was advertised both in English and Japanese, so you would have expected the people there to be interested in different cultures. Yet, that girl made the rudest racial remark I’d heard in a while. She was completely unaware of the implication of what she’d said.

I know where the remark came from. In Japan, most people don’t have first-hand experience of interacting with black people. Their images of black people are often limited to the athletes they see on TV. That was why she made the association.

As innocent as it sounds, most Japanese people have no experience of dealing with racial issues. I doubt they have ever experienced a situation where they’ve made some racial remark and their friend has said, ‘Dude, that’s racist.’ If you are Asian Japanese and grew up in Japan, the chances are your awareness of racial issues is extremely low.

In the Japanese educational system, very little is taught about racial discrimination. Sure, if you pay attention in classes, you will learn something about ethnic issues in Japan and maybe civil rights movements. But unless you actually live in a diverse place, your knowledge of racial discrimination remains just ‘knowledge’.

Most Japanese people rarely use words like ‘racist’, ‘white’, ‘black’ (apart from when they are watching the Olympics) or ‘Asian’. It’s not because these words don’t exist. It’s because there are not many situations in everyday Japanese life where you need to make racial distinctions.

If you grow up in an English speaking country and the people around you are aware of racial issues, you develop some kind of self-censor system. When you speak, you censor any racist thoughts or expressions. ‘Is it racist if I say…’ you ask before you say something.

I just remembered a scene from Up in the Air (2009) where George Clooney explains, at airport security, that you should always choose the queue with Asian business people because they are efficient travellers and you get through security faster. After hearing what he said, his co-worker says, ‘That’s racist.’

The meaning of the scene is very interesting. The tone is casual and the scene is meant to be funny. A normal person probably won’t say ‘Asians’ if he doesn’t know the co-worker well but George Clooney says it because he is trying to teach her how to travel efficiently. The comment about racism shows how uptight she is.

In order to understand the scene, you need to understand the cultural context. First, you need to know that stereotyping people can be considered racist. Second, most people don’t say things like ‘choose the Asian queue’ in public even if they are thinking it. Japanese people don’t share this context. If it was a Japanese film, this scene wouldn’t work.

The absence of this context is precisely what makes Japanese people say overtly racist things. That’s why they pay little attention to whether they sound racist or not, and why they appear very insensitive in many people’s eyes.

(By the way, I don’t think many Japanese people are as bad as the girl who said ‘Can you run fast?’ She might have lacked some core social skills.)

My opinion on the apartment problem

In case you are wondering, my opinion on the ‘no foreigners’ policy for apartments is this: Firstly, the landlord should stop saying ‘no foreigners’ because many people take it as discrimination even though it’s not the intention. If they only speak Japanese, they can simply say ‘Japanese speakers only.’ If they don’t want short-timers, they can add visa requirements. Secondly, they should interview you individually and see if they are comfortable communicating with you. If they don’t think you will be a good customer, they can always reject you.

Why I don’t use the word gaijin (foreigner)

I don’t use the word gaijin (foreigner). I know a lot of people – including those who are called gaijin – don’t mind using it, but I do.

The first reason is that the usage of the word is heavily biased. In Japanese, gaijin is supposed to be the abbreviated form of gaikokujin, meaning ‘foreigners’. However, when people use the word, they often mean white, western people. It sounds as if white, western people represent the rest of the world and all other people are disregarded.

The bias gets even stronger when the word is gendered. If you say ‘foreign women’ in Japanese, a lot of Japanese people immediately think of blonde white girls. You can do some interesting research using Google image search. Go to https://www.google.co.jp/ and set the language to Japanese. Then type ‘外国人女性’ (foreign women). This is the result . Now, how many blonde white girls are there in the world? I don’t have anything against them but they don’t even remotely represent the world population.

(‘Foreign men’ yields interesting result too. It’s a bit more diverse: less blond, more European, but still pretty white.)

When most Japanese people talk about Chinese people, they simply call them Chinese people. However when they talk about American and Canadian people, they often say gaijin. A lot of American and Canadian people use the word gaijin too. I know this because I often ask for clarification when someone uses the word gaijin because I want them to be more specific.

Words like ‘foreign countries’ and ‘overseas’ have the same biased connotation too. For instance, a lot of Japanese people say ‘I studied overseas’ when they mean that they studied in North America. When they studied in Egypt (or South Africa, Philippines etc.) they are more likely to say ‘I studied in Egypt.’ When Japanese people say something like ‘This kind of practice is not acceptable overseas’, I often ask, ‘Do you mean in the US or Canada?’ I almost always get ‘yes’. (It can be other popular English speaking countries namely Britain, Australia and New Zealand but there are much more people who go to North America.)

I remember seeing an ad for an English course. The ad read, ‘Do you know that foreigners don’t say, “What time is it now?”‘ When I saw this ad, I immediately felt that something was not quite right. It was because in that ad, they assumed ‘foreigners’ are native English speakers (and quite possibly Americans rather than British). The use of the word sounds awfully wrong to me. The majority of ‘foreigners’ in Japan don’t speak English.

The second reason I don’t like the word is that it sounds as if they make too much of a distinction between Japanese and non-Japanese people. The degree of distinction is different from person to person and I might be exaggerating, but I often have the impression that they think of non-Japanese (especially non-Asian) people as a completely different set of people.

The third reason is similar to the first one but when people use the word gaijin, they often completely ignore the differences between hundreds of different nationalities. They might say ‘gaijin are ____’, but it’s far too broad to make any meaningful generalisation.

Also, addressing someone by calling them gaijin is pretty rude. Calling someone something based on their physical traits or nationality is not common practice in Japan or in many countries. (They do it in some Latin American countries.) I don’t think it has suddenly become OK for non-east Asian people.

My thoughts on racism is Japan

Racial discrimination exists in Japan and some of the cases are really disturbing. I particularly find horrible the way some non-Asian Japanese kids are treated, as schools are where the most aggressive form of racism happens in Japan, along with other kinds of bullying and harassment. Sometimes, even teachers practise discrimination and children have nowhere to go.

Other examples of overt discrimination are also disturbing. I know a lot of apartment and bar owners do this to protect their businesses but they should at least be aware that the practice is considered discrimination in many developed countries. They should also stop putting everyone into the same box.

On the other hand, considering the fact that Japan is a country where you can get away with discrimination and 98.5% are considered the same ethnic group, Japanese people are doing rather well. There are a lot of elements in Japanese society that allow you to express racist thoughts freely. In my opinion, it could have been a lot worse.

Before I wrote this article, I was expecting a lot more cases of racial discrimination in Japan. I used Google in both English and Japanese to find examples. After doing hours of research, I learnt that I might have been a bit too harsh towards Japanese people in general on racism.

I work for a Japanese company and I hired a bunch of Americans and New Zealanders for my team. People in my company call them by their names, talk naturally to them in Japanese, and don’t treat them in any weird way. Nobody is amazed at how they can use chopsticks and nobody exclaims how amazing their Japanese is. From time to time, they invite them to go for a drink along with Japanese co-workers.

As I was writing this article, I was paying attention to their conversations hoping to catch an unintentional discriminatory remark or two. However, I didn’t hear any.

(I’m still looking for examples of racial discrimination in Japan. If you have any specific experiences, please share!)

References

International Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Racial Discrimination (http://www.ohchr.org/EN/ProfessionalInterest/Pages/CERD.aspx) – United Nations Human Right
In this article, the definition of ‘racism’ follows this convention according to which:

the term “racial discrimination” shall mean any distinction, exclusion, restriction or preference based on race, colour, descent, or national or ethnic origin which has the purpose or effect of nullifying or impairing the recognition, enjoyment or exercise, on an equal footing, of human rights and fundamental freedoms in the political, economic, social, cultural or any other field of public life.

This is not necessarily the same definition that dictionaries give but I find it closer to what most people mean by racism (racial discrimination). It includes nationality and ethnicity as the elements that can constitute racial discrimination. By this definition, discrimination against Korean people by Japanese people can be called racism even though Korean and Japanese people are all Asian.

Student seeking Kyoto flat told: No foreigners allowed
http://www.japantimes.co.jp/community/2013/04/23/issues/student-seeking-kyoto-flat-told-no-foreigners-allowed/#.Uuc0o2Smq00
The comment section of this article is very interesting. I could find many examples of racism in Japan. It’s also interesting to read many different opinions.

Why It’s Difficult to Get an Apartment in Japan
http://www.japan-talk.com/jt/new/why-its-difficult-to-get-an-apartment-in-Japan
If you are looking for an apartment in Japan, the real challenge can be having a decent job and finding a guarantor. If you don’t have a stable job, it can be hard to find an apartment whether you are Japanese or not.

連帯責任で居残り
http://okwave.jp/qa/q4544118.html
連帯責任をとらされる息子(スポ少)
http://komachi.yomiuri.co.jp/t/2013/0712/604955.htm?g=05
Examples of collective punishment can be found on these pages.

外国人という理由での入居拒否は法律違反ですか?
http://okwave.jp/qa/q2689381.html
Some people discuss whether it’s illegal for apartment owners to reject you because you are not Japanese.

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You Know You Are Japanese When

1. You protest vehemently when they think you are Chinese

chineseflag

Let’s face it: people will keep saying that you are Chinese in most of the non-Asian countries, at least for another couple of decades if not centuries. If you are Japanese, I bet you have tried to explain the differences between China and Japan many times, often in vain.

Some people say the reason that it bothers Japanese people so much is the rivalry between China and Japan. But this is no more than an uneducated guess. Further study is required.

2. The sight of Japanese flags makes you somewhat uncomfortable

japaneseflag

Japanese flags have negative connotations for most Japanese people because of World War II and various ultra right-wing political groups. The Japanese national anthem evokes similar uneasiness too. A few years ago, the Japanese government made it compulsory to sing the national anthem in school ceremonies and many teachers protested. The relationship between the national flags/anthem and Japanese people is somewhat complicated.

3. You know how to make a paper crane

papercrane

You don’t really remember how you learnt it, but you know how to make a paper crane from a piece of square paper. If you happen to be from Hiroshima, you remember making hundreds of cranes for the victims of the atomic bomb.

4. And, you do this with oshibori

SONY DSC

Oshibori is in itself something very Japanese. So what’s more Japanese than to make a crane out of it? (It was actually me who took this photo. Yes, I get bored in restaurants sometimes.)

5. You say ‘yes’ when you mean ‘no’

Let’s say you invite a Japanese guy to your house in Harajuku. You ask him if he likes Korean food, which you are planning to cook. He says yes and you go ahead and cook. However, when he comes to your place and has dinner, he doesn’t seem too excited about the food. It turns out that he doesn’t like spicy food.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” you ask him. To this, he answers that he didn’t want to hurt your feelings because you were very enthusiastic about cooking Korean food. He tried to imply he wasn’t totally happy about it by saying ‘yes’ in a slightly hesitant way, but you failed to pick up the cue because his way was too subtle.

Likewise, many guys get confused when they try to date a Japanese girl; she gives you her phone number, she replies to your messages and she even accepts your invitation for a drink. Yet, it turns out she is just being nice to you.

6. You say ‘no’ when you mean ‘yes’

Again, you invite a Japanese guy to your house in Harajuku. This time, you make sure that he likes the Vietnamese food you are cooking. When he gets to the house, you ask him if he wants something to drink because it’s a hot day. He says no.

After a while, he says that he has run all the way to Harajuku because he was almost late. Come to think about it, he is kind of sweating. You ask him if he is thirsty again, and this time he admits he is dying of thirst. In fact, he was waiting for you to ask again so that he could finally say, “well, yeah, I guess I could drink something.” He thought it would be rude to bluntly say that he wanted something to drink.

Well, if he is someone who speaks English fluently, the chances are he will be more comfortable with telling you what he wants. Also, young Japanese people seem to be less hesitant in this situation than older ones.

7. Being ‘on time’ is not good enough

Japanese people are known to be punctual. In 2005, a JR train in Hyogo came off the tracks, resulting in 106 deaths. The driver was said to be going too fast in order to be on time because he was a couple of minutes late.

For Japanese people, being on time is often not enough. We need to be five minutes earlier. In Japanese schools, teachers constantly tell you this and if you are just on time, they will be quite unhappy.

8. You become overwhelmingly nationalistic when Japanese sporting teams are playing against South Korean teams

The US and Canada, Brazil and Argentina, neighbours tend to have strong rivalries and Japan and South Korea are no exception.

Even if you are uncomfortable singing the national anthem at school, you can’t help feeling a sense of pride when Japan wins a sporting match against South Korea.

Some Japanese football fans get so excited that they literally jump into the river. (I am not sure why but jumping into the river seems to be a particular way of expressing joy for people from Osaka.)

9. But you love South Korean music and drama

Korean musicians seem to be the only non-Japanese musicians who can top ‘J-pop’ charts. A lot of Korean girl/boy groups release Japanese versions of their songs and they are wildly appreciated.

Although the initial frenzy seems to have gone, Korean drama is quite popular amongst Japanese women. Again, they seem to be the only foreign TV shows that can get the attention of Japanese mainstream audiences.

10. You know what your blood type is

Somehow, Japanese people have this idea that your blood type (A, B, AB, and O) will affect your personality. The Japanese have some consensual idea of what kind of personality each type is supposed to give people and they talk about how they fit or don’t fit to the ‘norm’. As a consequence, it’s almost imperative for a Japanese person to know what their blood type is.

11. You make self-deprecating comments when you don’t have a date on  Christmas Eve.

santa

A Japanese Christmas is different. Sure, it’s not even a proper tradition. (Since when was Japan a Christian country?) But Japanese people love to import various festivities. They often add some twist to foreign traditions; for instance, Christmas Eve is primarily a romantic day in Japan.

Many single Japanese people cannot help expressing how unromantic their Christmas Eve will be. When Christmas is coming around social media is full of comments like “yeah, I guess I’ll just be working until the last train on Christmas Eve”, “I’ll just go for a drink with my friends and moan about my non-existent life”, “There’s nothing wrong with spending Christmas Eve alone, right?”

They are trying to say they don’t really care about this Christmas thing but, ironically, by making these statements, they make it obvious that they just can’t help thinking about it.

Those who have boyfriends/girlfriends usually don’t say anything, maybe for fear of making other people too jealous. Or maybe they are just too busy getting busy.

12. You clean the table after eating in a restaurant

tableschairs

Japanese people often have an urge to clean the table after eating in a restaurant. They feel bad if they make the table messy and simply cannot leave it.

13.. You think Japan’s still Asia’s number 1 economy

Technically, China has a larger GDP than Japan, but Japan just cannot forget the former glory of the world’s number 2 economy. Japanese people can come up with endless reasons why Japan’s still better.

14. You can recite multiplication tables in Japanese


If you have learnt elementary maths in Japanese, this is something you will remember for a lifetime. Japan has its own way of memorising multiplication tables and it is quite efficient.

15. You send ‘Happy New Year’ messages to everyone you know

happynewyear

My father spends many days preparing Happy New Year postcards when the year’s end approaches. He sends them to all kinds of people (old friends, former co-workers, business related people etc), most of whom he will never meet again.

Many young people don’t really send physical postcards, but they still send emails and text messages. In fact, Japanese phone lines ritually stop working between midnight and 2-3 am on January 1because too many people try to send text messages. (Warning: if you go out with your friends on New Year’s Eve, make sure you stay together. Otherwise, you won’t be able to contact them until the phone line is clear.)

16. You can tell when other Japanese people are saying something without really meaning it

shibuyagirls

When you meet a Japanese person and she says that she’d like to invite you to her house sometime, the chances are she doesn’t really mean it. Likewise, Japanese people often say something without really meaning it because they think it’s polite or socially expected.

Many guys get confused when they try to date a Japanese girl; she gives him her phone number, she replies to his messages and she even accepts going for a drink. Yet, it turns out she is not really interested in him.

If you are Japanese, you are supposed to be able to handle these situations. But I have to say that it’s not always easy.

17. Cherry blossom reminds you of new school years

sakura

The Japanese school year begins in April which is the season for cherry blossom. Many schools have cherry blossom trees near the entrance gate so that students will see the flower blooming every day at the beginning of a school year.

Many Japanese dramas/novels/manga depict this and it reinforces the association between cherry blossoms and the first semester of a new school year.

18. You feel obliged to buy ‘souvenirs’ when you go on holiday

cholocate

When you tell a Japanese person that you are going on holiday, they often ask you to bring back good souvenirs. It is pretty much socially expected; you are supposed to buy souvenirs for co-workers, friends and family. As a result, a third of your suitcase on your return trip will be filled with stuff you buy for these people.

This is such a deep-rooted habit made by years of social obligation. Consequently, you can’t help feeling a bit guilty when you don’t buy souvenirs even when you don’t really have to.

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